We appear to be currently stuck in a culture that has accepted “surface living” as its norm. A life focused on only ‘do-ing’ can harmfully impact the most valued belongings in our lives: the connection and relationships we have with others and with our self. In my work with families and individuals, my initiative is not to banish the doing part within us, but instead, to work consistently in finding ways of ‘be’-ing in a doing world. In other words, helping families and individuals reconnect with the experience and beauty of ‘be-ing’.
A false sense of safeness is the product of surface living. We miss out on the richness that blooms from relationships that give space for growth. For those willing to take the leap of faith, I can assist in the creation of a ‘holding space’. I help empower others to feel safe enough to walk alongside me in whatever journey they’re taking without fear of judgement and/or feelings of personal inadequacy. When one holds space for another person, we open our own hearts and offer unconditional support. One learns to exhale, accept and embrace their uniqueness…beautiful flaws and all.
Our North American culture that has accepted busyness as its norm. Everywhere you turn you’ll notice people filling their schedules to the brim; carrying an overflowing plate of tasks that require ‘do’-ing. Many would argue that this is the status quo, which is (unfortunately) the reality for many, with factors such as socio-economical needs often at fault. For others, however, there is the conscious choice of embracing this often strenuous path of life.
This well-meaning ‘do-ing’ is an incredibly sneaky and sophisticated creature. It leads us into believing that the more we ‘do’ the happier we will be in our lives and in our relationships. True for some, but not so for others. Instead, before one knows it, ‘do-ing’ has harmfully impacted the most valued belongings in our lives: the connection and relationships we have with others and with our self. However, at other times the ‘do-ing’ lifestyle can also be used knowingly within our relationships with others. It can serve as a shield, a wall or barrier to protect our most vulnerable parts of ourselves – our emotional world.
In my 20 years working in mental health – whether with adults, adolescents or children…either individually or in the context of dyadic/family therapy – I repeatedly observe the negative impact of this ‘do-ing’ creature. I see relationships that have become disconnected; families unable to relate to one another, children and youth that feel alone with their worries and fears, confused individuals looking themselves in the mirror and asking “what went wrong” and “when” and “why”.
When we are present, mindful, and remain open to the process of slowing down with each other and ourselves, we finally get to experience the beauty of ‘be-ing’.